Survey Says...!

The people who work at the IRS can be proud to do an important job. They're the "accounts receivable" department for the federal government, and whether you think we need more government or less, we should collect the revenue to finance it as effectively as possible. Treasury Secretary Mnuchin has already stated that the incoming administration's ban on new government hiring shouldn't apply to the IRS — perhaps because he's seen the research showing every dollar invested in tax enforcement yields seven dollars in tax. (If you could spend one dollar to make seven, you might do it all day long!)

At the same time, IRS staffers understand the work they do isn't especially popular. As Louis XIV's Finance Minister Jean-Baptiste Colbert once said, "the art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to procure the largest quantity of feathers with the least possible amount of hissing." So you could say the IRS is similarly looking out for ways to boost the plucking while minimizing the hissing.

Towards that end, the IRS collections division has engaged the Pacific Consulting Group to send a "Customer Satisfaction Survey" (Form 13257-A, revised April, 2016) to a random group of taxpayers who have gone through the collections process. It included the usual collection of questions you would expect from a government survey, like rating how much you agree with statements like, "I received an adequate description of the collection process," and "I was treated with respect during the collection process." But we thought there were a few morequestions that might have made sense — like these:

· "Did you feel violated when agents picked you up by the feet to shake the change out of your pockets?"

· "Did the Revenue Officer put the cushions back on the couch after searching for spare quarters that might have fallen between them?"

· "What would you have done with that money if you didn't have to pay your taxes?"

· "If you could tell the government exactly how to spend your tax dollars, what would you tell them?"

· "Does the tax code make any more sense to you than it does to us?"

· "Be honest . . . you'd rather give the money to us than to the sales tax goons, amirite?"

· "When the robots finally take over, how do you think we should tax them?"

· "Pinch yourself. Does it hurt? If so, consult IRS Publication 502, Medical and Dental Expenses."

· "You seem nice . . . what are you doing next Thursday?"

· "What's your favorite BBQ joint? (Asking for a friend.)

Here's another question they should ask, but probably never will. "Do you have a plan in place to pay less tax so you don't get caught up in collections in the first place?" If not, call us, and see if we can silence some of the hissing!

Better Call Saul!

On January 20, 2008, AMC debuted a promising new drama called Breaking Bad. The series chronicled the highs and lows of high-school chemistry teacher Walter White, who was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and put his knowledge to work opening a meth lab to secure his family's financial future. Millions of viewers became addicted to White's exploits as he plunged deeper and deeper into a life of crime, breathlessly watching him juggle relationships with his DEA-agent brother-in-law, arms dealers, cartel soldiers, and crooked strip-mall lawyer Saul Goodman. All fun to watch, sure . . . but there's a reason the announcer always says, "Kids . . . don't try this at home."

Jack Vitayanon is a 41-year-old, Ivy League-educated attorney in the IRS Office of Professional Responsibility, where he investigates crooked accountants, attorneys, and IRS agents. He even taught a class called "Tax Lawyering and Professional Responsibility in Tax Practice" at Georgetown Law School. But apparently he needed to crank out some adventure in his life. And while we may never know if he drew his ambition from AMC's antihero, it's crystal clear that he decided to join the methamphetamine trade.

Agents from the Department of Homeland Security say that back in December, they intercepted a FedEx package containing 460 grams of meth at the end of its journey from Arizona to Long Island. (Everyone knows you ship your drugs FedEx instead of regular mail — who needs U.S. Postal Inspectors all up in your grill?) The unlucky recipient did what everyone does when they get busted with a pound of meth — he flipped and agreed to rat out someone further up the supply chain. Unfortunately, that chain included Vitayanon, who had been dealing with the Arizona sender since 2014.

Two weeks later, our new confidential source recorded a video chat with Vitayanon, "who was observed in his Washington DC apartment smoking what appeared to be methamphetamine from a glass pipe." (C'mon, Jack, you never get high on your own supply!) Vitayanon promised to send a "zip" (one ounce of meth) to the source. A day later, he texted to confirm he was packaging the shipment and helpfully provided a FedEx tracking number for the delivery. (You'd expect that sort of attention to detail from an IRS attorney, wouldn't you?)

Last month, agents tailed Vitayanon as he shipped two more zips to the same source on Long Island. At that point, he was pretty much cooked, and on February 1 he was arrested. Naturally, the Justice Department dropped a Breaking Bad reference in the press release announcing the bust.

Now the disgraced attorney is looking at spending several years surrounded by fellow Walter White wannabes. Adding insult to injury, he might face another smack for failing to pay tax on his side gig. Remember, the IRS doesn't care how you make your money. They even tweaked the tax code with a special provision, Section 280E, that prevents drug dealers from writing off their legal business expenses. No deductions for delivery and shipping, business use of the home, or even "cost of goods sold"!

Jack Vitayanon won't be making much money over the next few years, so taxes will be the least of his worries. Unfortunately, you don't have that luxury. So count on us to help you pay less — legally, morally and ethically.